I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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