haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I want a musical about memes.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
