You work out of a Hotel?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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