I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
