He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
