Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
