chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
