You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ugly people sure do ruin things
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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