I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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