I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
