I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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