yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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