3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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