I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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