I want to stick my p in your. b.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize