I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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