i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
