Pants 0. Shit 1.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
