Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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