Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
