Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
