i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
