Do you still have your period?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
