i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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