Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
