New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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