Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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