Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
