It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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