I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
