That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
