Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
