his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
