nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize