Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
