Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
