Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
