Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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