just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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