Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
