Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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