Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
