new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
