is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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