Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
