Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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