There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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