Me. At least after what I've been through.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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