Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
