Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
being pregnant is like rehab
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
