I just pynch a tree in the face
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's never too late to be topless.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
