there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
