Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
