She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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