I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just high enough for therapy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
