Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
