I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
