His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
