First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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