You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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