well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
this is an emotional support booty call
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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