was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
