her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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