I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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