VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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