Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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