In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize