just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
