I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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