11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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