i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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