Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
