thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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