I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
