I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
