dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize