Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
