I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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