I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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