its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
