But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
