I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize