i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
