This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
