I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
