I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
