my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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