i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
