I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Someone signed my nipple.
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