so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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