Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
