I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize