i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
