She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
