just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize