I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
