did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize