So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My vagina is officially offended.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
