Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize