In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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