u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
