I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize