Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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